To Be Whole Again
by Tulvarish
Summary: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA! You have been warned. Also yaoi in the future. Don't like, don't read. JeanxMarco: Jean wanted nothing more than to see his best friend one more time. He never could have guessed that someone was capable of granting his wish.


Pairing: Main is JeanxMarco

Rating: M (Possible violence and eventual lemony goodness)

So I wanted to write a story where Marco comes back to life because I love him. 3 The first chapter is kinda long and maybe boring, but I felt it was necessary to show how Marco's absence affected Jean in his day to day. Also there is a part in there that is loosely based on the art work of Moni158 on Deviantart. Her drawing consisted of Marco and Jean and is adorable and you should go look at it right now!

**Chapter 1**

**The Grieving**

The endless rows of wooden crosses did nothing to comfort him as he made his way down the center aisle. Seventy-two rows back, the eleventh cross on the right hand side looking toward the setting sun.. That was the only one that mattered to him. And though it never comforted him, it was all he had left. He always visited there when the sun was setting. It made it feel more ethereal. Like Marco was really there with him as the sun descended and covered the graveyard in an orangeish heavenly glow. But today his heart was heavier… Today he learned that the death of his best friend may have not been an accident. Armin had slipped up and mentioned something to Mikasa about Marco's maneuver gear and Jean had barely overheard. But it was enough to set his vengeance on fire. Amber eyes cast a longing look at the ground below his feet and Jean could feel the tears beginning to pool in their corners. It always seemed to hurt and the anger he felt was swallowed by agony. The pain had never really gone away.

At night, his dreams plagued him. Marco had died because he chose to save him. He acted as a decoy so Jean could get away… And in the end it had cost him his life. Jean knew now that the constant ache was a twisted mixture of guilt and regret. If he hadn't been so careless, Marco would be with him and this grave would belong to someone else. They would still be best friends and Marco, his ever present voice of reason. He would still be here… Before, he'd come to join the Military Police so he would be safe and carefree, as he always had been. But Marco had changed him. Every day, it was the same now. Every day Jean could, he would walk down the rows of nameless crosses to the one that he had so carefully engraved a name in. He would read it, remember, and cry…

Jean used to believe that men never cried, but that was before he experienced real pain. That was before he knew just what Eren had been talking about when he got so serious. Eren had already known loss and he came here with every intention of killing all of those ungodly creatures, a sentiment Jean now shared. "Hey Marco… I wanted to ask you something." Jean said aloud to the ground knowing full well he'd never get an answer. "Will you be waiting for me, when I finally die? Because I'd like to think that I'll get to see you again." Jean's voice was soft as he spoke, shedding tears for his one true friend and hoping he was somehow being heard. The world around him seemed to disappear when he came here to visit, so Jean was never really aware of the eyes that watched him in silence. Every one of his comrades from the 104th survey corps that still lived had come with him and had seen just what anchored and drove him. They, for the most part, were not surprised. They had all been there when he had made his decision to become the man Marco believed him to be. They all knew just how much Marco had meant to him despite whether he would admit it out loud.

Eren had been the only one that had been surprised to see Jean, brash and loud mouthed as he was, standing there weeping for his fallen friend. It wasn't because he thought Jean was heartless, but because he thought that Jean's pride was much more inflated than it was. Eren had also found that Jean's tears were contagious. Jean released a sigh and placed his hand on top of the wooden cross that he'd become so familiar with. "If it had been me Marco, would you feel this way too? I bet you would.. You were always softer than I was. Would you have made the same choices I did? I know I always ask you the same questions… But I can't find the answers on my own." Jean rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "Maybe I'll know tomorrow." With a hollow smile Jean removed his hand from the cross and made his way back down the familiar path through the endless cemetery and back into the quiet streets. People rushed inside at night and very few kept their lights on past night fall for fear of being seen by the monsters that lurk just outside the walls.

Jean entered the room he was given and removed his gear, performing routine maintenance on it before setting it in the corner with a light thud on the wooden floor. He hated night time. He was always plagued with dreams of the day his life had changed and his heart had broken into so many pieces that he was certain that no amount of glue could ever hope to hold them together again. But he would sleep, restless as it may be, and morning would come again….

"Oi, Jean. Get your ass up!" Connie called as he swung open the door to the room Jean was currently occupying by himself. There was a second bed in there, but no one wanted to take it. It belonged to someone already and they didn't have the hearts to invade. Jean groaned and sat up slowly, looking out the window to try and guess the time. "You missed breakfast again so I brought you something to eat." The smallest male of their group said as he sat a plate on the night stand and motioned to it. "Hurry up and eat. The commander is gathering the survey corps in about an hour for a special training session." Jean nodded groggily and Connie gave him a half-hearted smile before leaving Jean to his own devices. The taller of the two stood, stretching his stiff muscles with a lazy groan before quickly getting up and getting ready. For the commander to call a training exercise meant that there would be a mission soon to follow and most were aware of that. Despite that, they all showed up.

The survey corps was significantly smaller now. Since the 57th expedition outside the wall, many had left and deserted or went into hiding. They didn't want to die and no one could really blame them. This was a corps for people who had nothing left to lose. That was how Jean saw it. He stood next to Eren, yawning quietly as the commander explained the exercise. Armin stood next to the 'guy with a death wish', as they all called him in training camp and several more familiar faces dotted the thinning ranks. Truth be told he really shouldn't be spacing out like this. He turned his attention to the front and winced slightly when a certain half-pint Heichou stared daggers straight at him. Captain Levi had seen him space out and would no doubt make him pay for it with extra work. He did his best to not let his eyes wander after that and when the training commenced he'd only messed up once. But that once earned him a reprimand to be sure. He'd accidentally crossed his and Reiner's wires and wound them together in an awkward and slightly painful position which landed Jean's face right in Reiner's crotch. The other man didn't really seem to care much and even cracked a smile at Jean's distress. Then again, despite his rough appearance, Reiner was a good hearted guy. It took several members of the corps and about an hour to undo the damage that Jean's lack of attention had caused and, after the drill was ran ten times more, Jean was held back to speak with the commander directly.

Irwin didn't seem agitated about it, in fact Jean could have sworn there was a small smile that cracked his serious demeanor during the untangling process. The commander didn't say anything, and instead left it to Levi, who still looked a little miffed, but that wasn't really unusual. The 'scolding' was more of an interrogation. It seemed that the captain and the commander were both slightly worried about his state of mind. "What's with the spacing out, Kirschtein?" Levi asked blandly in that nearly monotonous way of his.

"Uh…. Sorry, Heichou. I just.. have a lot on my mind. It won't happen again." Jean replied and looked down at his feet with a slight blush of embarrassment at the situation.

"See that is doesn't." Irwin said with a nod. The commander placed a hand on Jean's shoulder as he walked by and offered a small sigh. "It never gets any easier Jean. Some of us just hide it better than others." With that the commander and the captain began to make their way back to their designated quarters. Jean lingered a moment longer and took a deep breath. Perhaps he was more transparent than he thought if even Heichou and the Commander had taken notice of his aloofness. Or maybe it was the other way around. They'd seen enough people grieving for lost loved ones that they both instantly knew why he was so out of sorts. That was probably it in all honesty. Those two men had seen far more bloodshed than the rest of them. Would he be like them one day? Desensitized to the death of a comrade? Then again, Jean didn't really know the two of them well enough to pretend to know what crosses they carried.

His feet had carried him of their own accord to the place he always frequented at this time of day. The sun was beginning to set and he could see the familiar pathway that led to that familiar cross and the same overwhelming sense of emptiness… Jean sighed again, something that he seemed to be doing a lot of lately. Perhaps it was the only way he could really express himself anymore. He tried his best to act like he had a handle on things, but occasionally, he'd slip and everyone would see it.. like today. It would be a while before he let something like that happen again.

A sudden rumble drew Jean from his thoughts and he glanced up in time to see a hauntingly recognizable yellow glow on the horizon. Like lightning striking from the sky but a thousand times more dangerous. He froze for a moment, completely unsure as to what to do.. His body temporarily forgot how to move. Soon enough, however, Jean was able to force himself forward and onto the path that lead to the cemetery and out into the open. What he expected to see was overshadowed by a cloud of dust and the sounds of several people coughing in the haze.

"Eren!" Jean yelled as he propelled himself on top of one of the houses that lined the edge of the graveyard. Several more soldiers joined him on the rooftops overlooking the expanse of ground and Jean narrowed his eyes as a figure became visible and he was surprised for two reasons. It wasn't the titan he thought it would be; rather it was just an ordinary guy. A very naked ordinary guy stumbling down the pathway towards the city and looking rather confused.. Who was that? Some drunk guy? Jean wondered as a two members of the military police jumped down to escort the delirious man out of the area for fear of danger. As the dust began to settle, eyes widened among the soldiers ready to leap into action. There were at least two-dozen people standing naked in the cemetery with the same confused looks on their faces. In the center lay Eren in a small hole in the ground.

"Eren!" Jean yelled again as he dashed forward into the mess of confused people and he flipped the slightly shorter boy over to check him out. He didn't look hurt, in fact, he was snoring quite loudly. "Eren.. Wake the hell up! What the hell did you do, idiot?!" Jean yelled as he shook the other male slightly but Eren didn't budge. He just kept snoring. Jean dropped him with a light thud and made a 'tch' sound as he called over a couple more of the soldiers that had appeared down within the crowd to check things out. "Hey get a stretcher for this idiot. We need to get him out of here so we can figure out what happened." Jean said and shook his head at Eren once more before giving the smaller man a light kick just to make sure he was out cold. "Man you suck… Why do you always do this kind of crap? And right in the middle of a cemetery for Christ's sake."

"…Jean?" A voice called out behind him and the survey corps member folded his arms over his chest, giving Eren on final kick for good measure before turning around slowly.

"Yeah what do you wan…." Jean stopped mid sentence and his eyes suddenly became blurry. Amber eyes stared ahead, unfocused for a few minutes as he tried with all his might to make sure he wasn't dreaming. That the person staring back at him was real. Black hair.. normally kind eyes with a slight hint of confusion, and those unmistakable freckles… "M… Marco?" It couldn't be real… Marco was dead. Jean had seen him with his own eyes… But then, he was also standing here now in front of him covered in dust and surprisingly whole. "This… Can't be real.. Am I going crazy…?" Jean whispered to himself as he raised both hands to his head and stared at the man in front of him. He was solid, but Jean was afraid to touch him. It was Marco that moved first and Jean flinched away at the movement, but he didn't get very far. His legs were rooted to the ground and refused to move no matter how much his mind screamed for it. He couldn't dare to believe…

"Jean…" Marco's hand reached out, gently brushing firm fingers across Jean's cheek in a way that no illusion ever could.

"Marco…. You're… here…" He broke then. Jean flung himself into Marco's arms and pulled him into a nearly bone crushing hug and he cried into his best friend's shoulder. They sunk to the ground together and Marco felt tears prickle his eyes as Jean clung to him like his life depended on it. He'd let his friend cling to him for as long as he needed to but Marco needed to know.

"Jean. What happened? How did we get out of Trost?" He asked quietly and he looked down at his friend pressed against his bare shoulder. Jean paled slightly and he sat up, looking Marco full in the face, not bothering to wipe away his tears.

"Marco… You.." Jean bit his bottom lip and looked away for a moment. He looked back at his friend with fresh tears filling his eyes. "You died there…."

A/N: Yeah I know… Heart strings and all. Tell me what you think. Should I continue? I can't promise there won't be some spoilers…. *Has read the manga.* Yes, I plan to explain how/why/and what Eren was doing in the graveyard, though I dunno if you will like it. It seems like it could make sense. *Shrugs*

Feel free to review. Tell me if you think it sucked. I plan to write a second chapter and possibly a third if people actually like it. Anyway, closure for my two favorite characters. I ship Marco and Jean so hard that I might as well just rip my own heart out.


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